As leaders and teams get ready for performance reviews and “feed-forward” conversations, it is worth exploring how to prepare oneself for such an important, but perhaps challenging experience. Managers are in a unique position to provide first hand knowledge of a team member’s skills and capacity. However, because they are in a position of authority, a leader’s feedback can carry significant weight. A trusted manager can be highly influential in shaping an employee’s career trajectory in a positive way. A conversation that goes sideways can be just as impactful. More than anything, my clients report that whether the overall message was good or not so great, they valued knowing their manager cared enough to show up focused and prepared.
There is a difference between delivering feedback in-person/video chat and offering feedback in written form. Written feedback is so loaded with opportunities for misunderstanding that I will address it in a separate article. For those preparing for 1:1 conversations, here are 8 steps for leaders (and anyone else, really) to offer feedback with clarity and dignity for everyone involved.
1. It is an offer. Package it well.
You aren’t just giving feedback — you don’t know if the other person will take it. You are making an offer to open a dialogue about what is working, what is not working and what could be improved. Offering feedback is a gift to “make good” of each other and the organization. Useful feedback is an invitation for building trust and opportunity for reciprocal learning.
2. Set Your Intentions
Be clear about your “For the Sake of What”? for offering your perspective.
What is your purpose and intended outcome for the feedback?
What is at stake if the feedback is received and actionable?
What do you hope could be different at the other end of a feedback conversation?
Examples of Generative Intentions
Once you have answered the questions above, be prepared to state your intention to the other person at the start of your conversation. Here are some samples of generative intentions or a solid “For the Sake of What”.
- To help this person learn or grow.
- To support this person to reach their potential.
- To help the team work more effectively with greater ease.
- To improve the processes, systems or procedures.
- To rebuild trust and reset relationship.
3. Know Your Considerations
Disarm yourself and the other person by being honest about how difficult it is to offer feedback.
What about this conversation feels awkward, uncomfortable or makes you feel uneasy?
What are you afraid of being seen as (scattered, harsh, uncool)?
Knowing your own considerations gets those concerns out of your head and onto paper so you are less likely to be derailed during the conversation. It will put your mind at ease to see it in black and white so then you don’t have to act it out in the moment.
Once you understand your considerations, be prepared to share them in a way that is vulnerable and caring — without putting too much attention on your own experience of offering feedback rather than their experience as the receiver.
Stating your considerations doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be as simple as, “I find these conversations valuable but not exactly easy. I feel uncomfortable giving praise because my best mentor was painfully direct with me. I recognize that style might not work for you, so I am trying something different.” Or it could be, “I would much rather avoid feedback conversations but as a manager, it is part of my role. If I seem awkward, that is on me and this process- not you or your performance.”
Sharing your own humanity sets the conversation up to be an exchange between two people, rather than two roles where the power gradient is in the favor of the person with positional authority.
4. Clear is kind
Be as simple, honest and direct as you can. Remember:
- Just say it. Get to your point quickly, with care. Dancing around a point raises your anxiety and theirs.
- Offer your observations not labels. “You’re great!” isn’t useful information.
- Own your subjectivity. Be clear that the way you see things is an interpretation and not a “fact” you want to argue.
- When discussing behavior, be specific about context/situations that seem to influence behaviors.
- Be prepared to outline what the behavior looks like and sounds like.
- Avoid absolutes like “always, never, every time.” There will exceptions.
- When discussing a skill gap, be clear about what competency in that specific domain looks like and have clear examples of field/domain standards for their role.
5. Honor Their Humanity
Being on the receiving end of feedback can be an emotionally challenging experience. This is especially true for high performers who were accustomed to being star students. They may interpret anything less than perfect as a failing grade. This doesn’t mean you need to sugarcoat your feedback but it does mean your preparation is all the more important. Be as fair and gracious as you can. Be prepared to share how well you understand what they have been up against.
What challenges has this person been facing that could be contributing to their behavior or lack of skill?
What personal experiences can you share that reveal your understanding of their situation?
In what ways can you humanize the receiver of feedback?
6. Offer Suggestions for Improvement
It is useful to offer what isn’t working or what is dissatisfying AND it’s even more helpful if your feedback comes with what improvement would look like.
If the behavior were to change, what would you like to see instead?
What mentorship can you provide to support a behavior change or skill development?
7. Ask for Input
These are your perceptions and interpretations but the receiver will have their own perspective. If their point of view is not honored, it could easily get in the way of their receptivity.
What do they see?
How can you allow yourself to fully hear their point of view?
How can you leave room for them to express themselves?
8. Clear a Path Forward
It is challenging to get feedback without also knowing how to fill in the gaps or making a shift. As you prepare to offer feedback, consider how to resource the other person to make changes.
What resources are available within the organization to help this person fill in the gaps?
What external skills building classes or training exist to to support them?
How does one access professional development funding if internal resources are unavailable?
Offering a clear path forward is personal for me because as an Executive Coach and 360° Feedback Specialist, I deliver hundreds of feedback reports each year. When an organization approaches me to conduct 360° feedback, I am clear that I will accept the engagement if the organization also has resources for their employees. These are resources in the form of executive coaching, training, mentorship, peer-to-peer coaching or continuing education courses funded by the organization. I am a firm stand for empowerment. Offering feedback without tools to address what was said can leave folks feeling lost or frustrated. Usually both. Feedback is a gift if it is done with compassion, clarity and support to make a change.
Answering the questions above and preparing to deliver actionable feedback takes time. However, the mental and emotional energy saved through such an investment is immeasurable.
In an upcoming article, I will outline some hot tips for offering written feedback so the receiver doesn’t get lost reading between the lines!